Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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