I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
