I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
