we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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