I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
