i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
