I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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