He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
