I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
