I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
