Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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