Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
