She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My penis needs a shock collar
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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