someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
