Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want her autograph on my taint
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
