Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
