i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
