4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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