he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
