Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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