There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
