it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
