he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
