i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
