hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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