I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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