Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
