Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
