Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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