I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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