I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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