is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He shit in the fireplace
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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