I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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