a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
