theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
