I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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