Dual....:-)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
