when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
