doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
