Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
