The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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