Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
