I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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