i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
