Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry about my life...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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