Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
