My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
