using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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