afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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