She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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